Lollipop Deadpool
by Sai Kunai Blade
Summary: Deadpool was informed of a massive zombie outbreaks and saw the opportunity to have tons of fun. The area just so happened to be the same area Juliet Starling lives in. The two decide to team up and kill zombies, breaking the fourth wall most of the way.
1. Prologue

**Quick note: parenthesis ( ) means that Deadpool's insane mind is talking, boxes like this [ ] means his dignified mind voice is talking.**

Deadpool was sitting on his couch early in the morning, bored out of his mind from not having any missions, playing his own game. The phone rang and the answering machine picked up.

"Deadpool! It's domino!" Domino said over the line.

[Oh, dear lord, what now?]

(She better not be trying to crawl back to us again.)

"When has that ever happened?" Deadpool asked.

"Look, you have to get to San Romero, California NOW! There's no pay, but-

"([NO PAY?!)]"

"There are zombies everywhere and you're the only one who A: can't die and B: would be immune to them." Domino said.

( The way she tried to convince us sounded like a lame, rushed idea from a fanfiction when the writer's either too lazy or doesn't have enough time to elaborate. Wait- Zombies!? KILL!)

[bring all the good stuff!]

"swords, pistols, hammers, shotguns, sais, machine guns, cable's rifles, grenades, bear traps and flashbangs! Got it!" Deadpool laughed evilly, then gathered everything he listed and teleported, somehow winding up in China.

[For the love of God, fix the teleporter.]

(It needs a bigger battery, too.)

"I got it, hang on!" Deadpool shouted at his mind, making small adjustments, then arriving in California

Meanwhile, Juliet Starling woke up and prepared for school, dressing in her Cheerleader outfit, excited that if was her birthday. Unfortunately, she realized she was late to meet her boyfriend, Nick before school. She took off through the door with her duffel bag, almost tripping over herself on the way out. She got on her bike and arrived at school to see zombies. "What the hell?! What happened?" She asked, crashing into zombies. "Oh god, gross! It smells!" She said, not realizing she was about to crash into a bus. She screamed, but at the last minute jumped off and flipped through midair, landing on the other side of the bus. She then looked at her approaching, undead attackers.

"Seriously?! Dude, what the hell!?" She demanded, pulling out her chainsaw and revving it. "Oomph!" She exclaimed, then rushed at the zombies with her chainsaw dragging on the ground. She yanked it out of the ground, slashed a zombie in half with a horizontal swing, the cut another one if half the same way, then quickly pulling it back up in time to hack another one in half diagonally, then dodged one jumping at her and sliced him, going into a crouching position. She then turned to see a zombie behind her, did a split and brought the chainsaw up to his crotch, slicing him in half from bottom to top (oh, the poor bastard). She then jumped up facing away from him. "Stupid undead douchebags!" She shouted as the zombie broke in half with pretty rainbow colors. The zombies started piling on top of her, but she spun around in a circle with her chainsaw way out, slicing them to ribbons. A zombies head came flying down, but she kicked it and it bounced off 3 trash cans into a baby carriage! She then put a lollipop into her mouth and winked as a bio poster of her appeared:

**Juliet Startling**

**Age: 18**

**Totally in love with:**

**Nick Carlyle**

**Favorite weapon:**

**bedazzled chainsaw**

**Favorite Food:**

**Strawberry Lollipops**

**GPA: 3.4**

**Hobbies: cheerleading, karaoke, bisecting the undead.**

**Secret Kink: being told she's not fat.**

She then grabbed her chainsaw again and looked at the horde of zombies stuck behind the gate. "This. Is SO. IRRITATING!" She said angrily.

She ran in and sliced the gate, but then a bus exploded, knocking everyone down and leaving many zombies stunned and defenseless. "Geez, it sucks when things explode!" She said, then cut their head off, but then remembered her objective. "I need to find Nick." She said, rushing through the parking lot. There were some students trying to get out in a car, but it blew up and they died. Juliet continued a small way to find a group of zombies attacking a fellow student.

"Hold it! Hold it right there! You zombie jerks!" She said, slicing the zombies, somehow not hitting the guy. "Don't worry, I'll help you!" She said to the boy as she killed the rest of them.

The boy slowly got up and gave Juliet some coins as a reward. "Awesome! I'm still alive!" He said, getting in the bed of a rescue helicopter.

"Thanks, kid! Really great work! See if you can get anyone else out." The pilot said, reeling the boy in and taking off.

"Be careful!" She said, waving to him.

"Look out! Incoming!" The pilot shouted, alerting Juliet to an oncoming bus, which she back-flipped out of the way of.

"Whoa, zombies suck dick at driving!" She said, continuing through, picking up a lollipop that magically restores her health. She continued until she came to an alley and a bus crashed into one of the buildings making the alley, blocking off Juliet's path.

"Your license should be revoked, bro!" She said, before seeing legless zombies crawl out of a garage door open enough for someone laying down to get underneath. "Oh, great. This is gonna be harder than I thought. Hey, perv! Don't be looking up my skirt!" She said, swinging low and cutting their head off, then she jumped on the hood of the bus and onto the other side.

There was a girl on top of a van away from the zombies, but scared half to death."No! Get away!" She shouted, looking as the zombies tried to climb up.

"Just don't move. I'll take care of 'em. No big whoop." Juliet said, killing them all stylishly.

"Oh my god! I'm alive! Who am I?!" The girl said, scared out of her mind, tossing zombie medals to Juliet, getting in the bed.

"Great! I see one more, I got him!" The pilot said, using the blades of the chopper to kill a few zombies on the rooftops. "All right!" He said, flying off.

She jumped onto a bus, but the driver was a zombie, who drove right into the path of another bus. "Ah, watch out!" She screamed, having to do a bunch of dodge maneuvers to avoid getting hurt.

She jumped out to see a student holding onto a flagpole for dear life as a swarm of zombies was below him.

"No, get away from me!" He pleaded.

"Hold on, I'm coming!" She said, cutting the zombies down quickly, just as the boy lost his grip and fell, fortunately on a patch of grass.

"My favorite president is Warren G. Harding." He said, tossing her zombie medals.

Juliet ignored the random comment, focusing on killing the zombies and how great she was feeling about herself. "It's so rad to save someone's life!" She said, killing the rest of the nearby zombies.

"Well, we got these ones, but I see a whole group of those undead bastards. Meet me up ahead." The pilot said, flying over the large group of zombies he was referring to.

Juliet cut open the gate and all the zombies charged at them, since all the students available just rushed into a building. Juliet activated sparkle hunter mode, becoming something like a Super Saiyan, except sparkly and all different colors. She then easily mowed through the zombies. She made it with the boy to another bus, but then dozens more zombies came and attacked. To make matters worse, a student in a van was driving out of control, due to a zombie on the windshield.

This, however, worked to Juliet's advantage, because after she dodged, the van missed the student and crashed into the zombies, dazing them all. Juliet was able to now easily decapitate them in their groggy state. The pilot then collected the student and slowly reeled him in.

"Fantastic job, kid!" He said.

"Glad you made it, pilot dude!" She said, waving.

Unfortunately, at that moment, 2 zombies screaming "Where's the beef" jumped onto the bed along with the student.

"Hold on, this is too dangerous! I'll meet you in the square." The pilot said, flying off, trying to get the zombies off the bed. One fell off, but the other climbed in with him.

"Yummy yummy flesh!" He said, attacking the pilot, causing him to collide with something and spiral out of control.

"Jesus Christ! Get off me you bastard! No! Oh, shit! Tell me why I love-!" The pilot said, but then there was silence and the chopper crashed close to the school.

"Oh no! He crashed over by the school and is probably dead!" Juliet asked.

But that turned out not to be true. We'll switch perspectives now as Juliet stops for a phone call from her mom, then a shopping break.

5 minutes earlier...

(It's about time we get back in the story.)

[I hope everyone didn't forget about us...]

"How could you forget about someone as awesome as us!" Deadpool said, freestyling and slicing the legs off of zombies and jumping up, pulling out his pulse rifles. "Overkill!" He announced, blasting randomly around him, shooting dozens of zombies at once.

[You know, I'm surprised we haven't run out of ammo by now...]

"Shut it, don't jinx it!"

[No seriously, if this was our game, we would've run out of ammo LONG before we got this far.]

(Our game is the only media outlet EVER we appear in that we appear in and have to watch out for our ammo. It's just a game mechanic. Do we ever run out of ammo in Marvel: Avengers Alliance, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, any of the comics or Marvel vs. Capcom? Hell no!)

[That's... Surprisingly analytic for you.]

"Back to the story! After finding out where we were, we made our way to San Romero and started killing things." Deadpool said, pulling out his hammers and swung them around in front of him, mowing down zombies with satisfying bloody splatters. He made his way to a big part of town and was greeted by at least 40 zombies.

(Yay! More killing!)

[Bout time... It's been, what 20 seconds?]

"Let's torch this motha-!" Deadpool said, throwing grenades everywhere. Suddenly, he saw a chopper going out of control.

(More explosions!)

[You know, we might wanna see if there are people on board. It's nice to let people know we're good guys once in a while]

"Alright, zombies. Stay put for a minute, I gotta go." Deadpool said, teleporting into the chopper, stabbed the zombie attacking the pilot in the head with one of his sais. "Okay, guys, everybody here!" Deadpool said, gathering the people and teleporting them all to a nearby rooftop. "Okay, stay here. I'll be back later." He said, teleporting back to all of the zombies he'd left behind, standing on his toes and spinning around in a circle, shooting them all in the head. He continued on, leaving corpses everywhere, coming to a barricade.

(A roadblock?! LAME!)

[We can teleport right past it.]

So they did, appearing right on the other side, zombies then came from nowhere.

"Let me fuck your father!" One shouted.

(Eww!)

[We've never met our father, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't that desperate.]

"Yeah. KILL!" Deadpool said, rushing at them, but just as he was about to, a sexy, young cheerleader with a chainsaw came from an alley and started hacking them up before either said of Deadpool's mind could.

(Holy shit!)

[We must be starring in some new video game and this is the best Easter Egg EVER!]

"Nah, it can't be. Peter would've told us about it." Deadpool said.

(What if it's not a High Moon game?)

"What other gaming company has this much blood and sexiness combined?!"

[Team Ninja?]

(I was thinking Suda51. Team Ninja has blood, but no sexiness.)

[What about all the girls in bikinis in the Dead or Alive series. Not to mention, in Ninja Gaiden 3: Razor's Edge, that terrorist tried to take off Ayane's towel when she was getting massaged by ANOTHER WOMAN.]

"You've proven the point." Deadpool said, shooting the other zombies the girl had her back turned to.

"Hey, costume guy! Who the hell are you?!" She asked.

"Who am I?! I'm Deadpool! The merc with the mouth!" He said, twirling his gun around.

"I'm Juliet. Hey, come on! I could use your help to save my boyfriend, Nick." She said, running off.

(Dammit! I knew a hot chick like that had to have a girlfriend.)

[She's obviously a highschool student. We're not pedophiles.]

The two of them hurried ahead to a courtyard. The two looked around, but they found no one, just a bunch of zombie bodies.

"Nick?! Nick, are you here?! It's okay to come out! Nick?! Oh, please!" Juliet pleaded, praying he was still alive.

Deadpool saw a new zombie coming up behind Juliet.

"Bang!" He announced, shooting it.

"Juliet!" A guy's voice shouted. Nick tried to rush the zombie that was going to attack Juliet, but Deadpool shot it first. "Whoa. Awesome, man." Nick said.

"Yep. No problem. Hey, here, take these, I got better weapons, anyway." He said, tossing Nick his pistols and sais.

"Uh... I don't know how to use these." He said, looking back and forth between them.

([Noob])

"It's pretty simple. Just point the guns and shoot. With the other ones you just stab stuff." Deadpool said.

"Now, let's go see what happened to the school." Juliet said.

"Yay! More killing!" Deadpool laughed.


	2. Back To School

The three climbed up through the window into a classroom, due to the door being blocked off. Deadpool tried to be tough and walked confidently up to the door of the classroom, only to get flattened in between the wall and door as zombies poured into the room and Juliet kicked their asses with her newly acquired skills: Armadillo Spin and Chainsaw stab. Nick managed to shoot ONE zombie in the head, missing 6 other times.

"Deadpool, are you okay?" Juliet asked, looking back at the door. It slowly closed and Deadpool, flat as a pancake, peeled off of it and put his thumb in his mouth (although that was hard to do through his mask) and re-inflated himself.

"Yep. I'm fine. Healing factor for the win, bitch-" He started, before being smashed again by another zombie that rushed through and went right for Nick.

"Another stupid zombie?!" He said, stabbing it in the throat with one of his sais.

Deadpool peeled off the wall again and Juliet's phone started to ring. "I'll check that later. Mostly because the writer doesn't remember which message that was..." She said.

"You break the fourth wall, too?" Deadpool asked.

"Well, in the actual GAME I only did it once or twice, unless you count blocking my skirt from pervs who mess with the camera angle who try to look at my butt or vagina. But this is a fanfiction, so I can break it whenever I want!" She chirped happily.

They walked down the hall for a few steps before the hallway in front of them exploded.

"Something exploded. What the hell was that?!" Nick asked.

"Quite obviously, the hallway in front of us and the way we have to go is now blocked. How cliche." Deadpool said.

[How profound]

(Let's hurry up and get around this. I want more killing.)

The three then took a detour into a classroom right beside them. They walked through and saw a teacher Juliet recognized. "Hey, it's Mr. Fitzgibbon!" She said.

"([Mr. Fits-what?])"

"I'm Fitzgibbon, bitch!" He shouted, turning around to reveal he was a zombie, sending his zombie students to attack.

"We have a math test today!" The students said, getting out of their chairs.

"This kind of math sucks!" Nick said.

(Let's make it more fun!)

[Advanced Deadpool, lesson one]

"Two bigass sledgehammers+Deadpool=No more zombies! Smashy smashy!" He said, spinning the sledgehammers in front of him like giant wheel, bulldozing through the zombies.

"Test time!" The teacher said, calling in 8 more zombies.

"My turn! Juliet1, lesson one! Circle of zombie+Armadillo spin= 8 legless zombies! Maybe headless, too, if I get lucky." She said, rushing into the crowd, cutting their legs off and cutting the heads off 5 of them.

"Um... Basic Nick 101. Sais+zombie brains=Dead zombies." He said, running in and stabbing the zombies in the head.

"No talking! Alright, study time!" The teacher said, jumping out the window.

"([Pussy])"

"Let's keep going!" Juliet cheered, continuing onward, going through the other door to get around the collapsed hallway, the 2 guys following right behind her. When she kicked the door open, there was a graffiti tag on the wall in front of them: Zombie Bomberfest.

"What's this?! A bomb?!" Nick asked.

"That's royally effed up." Juliet said,

"That's some whacked shit!" Nick commented.

"That's a good time." Deadpool said, the only one in the group that liked constant explosions.

They came around a curve in the hallway to see a bunch of students being attacked by zombies.

"We should help them, right?" Nick said.

"No worries. We got this!" Juliet said.

"Bang! Bang! Bang!" Deadpool said, shooting with his pulse rifles, destroying the zombies in one shot, but also covering the students they were attacking in blood.

[You could've been a little more delicate about that]

(Who cares? We saved them, so they can't bitch about it.)

Then, a student was forced out of a classroom, trying to push off a zombie attacking him.

"Leave me alone! Get away! Help!" He said, pushing the zombie to the floor, jump kicking another one to knock him back a bit, then punched another one off to his left in the face, before the zombie he kicked recovered and tackled him to the ground.

[Well, he made quite an effort.]

(He should roll with us!)

"Buckshot shimmy!" Deadpool announced, blasting off shotgun round right in front of him and slowly shot out to the sides, killing all the close-up zombies near them, then the moved to save the guy.

Nick actually made a good moves, stabbing a zombie in the shoulder blades from behind, spinning around and throwing him into a pile of other zombies. Once they were all dead, the guy gave them zombie medals and disappeared.

"He's gone..." Deadpool said.

(Or was he never here to begin with...)

[It was a game mechanic, must've been how the kid's got to safety. Besides the chopper of course.]

Then, two arrows appeared, pointing to two different classrooms.

"How profound." Deadpool said.

"I go that way, you go this way." Juliet said, pointing to the door in front of them as the one she would go to and the door behind them as the one Deadpool would go to.

"Ha! Rush Hour reference! Okay." Deadpool said, teleporting into that room.

Two zombies cornered on guy. "I fucked up my math test! I need help!" He said.

(They take grades too seriously here.)

Then, the teacher bust through the room and picked up a desk, only for it to be sliced cleanly through with Deadpool's katana, then he spun, now with the teacher behind him and he pulled out a pulse rifle and put it up to the teacher's stomach. "Boom." He said, vaporizing the teacher.

[Sure was nice of the writer to have us do that. We've never actually done something that cool in our game or the comics. In terms of an up-close and personal kill, I mean.]

Deadpool then turned around to face the two zombies, who stared at him in fear for killing their leader so easily.

(Ooh. Now we have to choose who to play with first...)

"Eenie Meenie miney you." Deadpool said, shooting the girl zombie in the face and then cut the guy zombie's head off.

(Yay more Team Four Star references!)

[Nappa, ghost or not, you shall forever live on in our memories.]

As the three were about to meet up in the hallway, they looked out of the window of the classrooms to see a zombie walking down the hall with dynamite strapped to him, then he blew up halfway through the hallway in between the two classrooms.

"Fuck! I think that zombie seriously had dynamite strapped to it!" Nick said.

"Why would somebody do that?" Juliet asked.

The three then met out in the hallway, Juliet jumping out of the hold in the wall with style, Nick and Deadpool teleporting down. A few cops were shooting at zombies, but were knocked down by a few zombies.

"([Fail.])"

The three went to save the cops, but then a bus blew up right in the way, then the roof above the bus fell, completely blocking the way. They continued down the other end of the hallway, only to find there path blocked by some rubble.

"I got this." Deadpool said, rigging up C4. Then he blew it up, clearing the way, somehow the explosion was small enough not to hurt anyone.

Juliet got another call, but she ignored it for the same reason as the last one, then went shopping and bought some new skills, upgrades and a new outfit: a Saeko Busujima from Highschool of The Dead cosplay outfit.

They then rescued another student from more zombies and got more medals.

"Where's my apple?!" A zombie teacher shouted, lifting up a red door and letting zombies through. Once they were quickly dispatched, he opened it again. "Here's a pop quiz for-" He said, before getting interrupted by a bullet through the head. He fell to reveal a cop behind him.

"Thanks a lot!" Juliet said, waving to him.

[Finally. A cop who ISN'T trying to kill us.]

But then, he aimed his gun at them. "To the chair with you!" He said, firing and on closer inspection, it was obvious he was a zombie.

"What's the deal dude?!" Juliet asked,

"A zombie cop? How fucking lame." Nick said in a low tone.

"Ah, cops. The Deadpool's natural enemy." Deadpool said, loading the zombie cop full of machine gun bullets.

Juliet cut through a door, revealing medals and a lollipop, also a student ran out and ran off at full speed like a bitch. Only to be blown up by a suicide zombie. They collected the items and turned to face the group of bomber zombies.

"We have to hit 'em and run away before the exploded. FUN!" Juliet said, giggling.

"How is that fun?!" Nick demanded.

"I have a better idea. I could get away with that because of my healing factor, but you guys don't have my healing factor. So we do this instead." Deadpool said, pulling out his machine guns, shooting the zombies and causing them to blow each other up in a chain explosion.

The three then climbed through a hole made by the bomber zombies, then saw a bus burst through the school doors and barrel right at them.

"Aaah! Oh my god!" Juliet screamed.

Deadpool kept shooting at the driver, but it wasn't doing much. Juliet then sawed through a broken pillar, making it fall in the buses way, stopping it. They then climbed over the other side to see a nerdy-looking girl holding onto a windowsill with one hand for dear life. They killed the zombies quickly and the girl fell.

"Those zombies totally pulled my underwear up my butt!" She said, giving them medals and disappearing.

"[So, she was such a nerd...]" Nick and the good voice said at the same time.

"(The zombies actually stopped to give her a wedgie...)" Juliet and the crazy voice commented.

"Before they tried to kill her... Wow." The three non-brain voices said at once.

Then a zombie reached through the window the girl just fell from. "This is ass!" He shouted before blowing up all of the upper hallway.

"Look what those jerks did to our school!" Juliet said as they continued and climbed back up the bus and into the hallway.

"Yeah, but it DOES get me out of my calculus homework on Friday." Nick said.

"Gotta think positive." Deadpool said.

They came to a point when a few guys were lifting up a green door Juliet could otherwise cut through.

"Come!" The leader in the purple jacket said.

The one who did the work in the blue jacket turned around and screamed, then an explosion happened behind them and he closed it against the leader's will. "I'll be back for you!" He shouted.

"Uncool, asshole!" Nick shouted. They went into a nearby classroom to deal with more zombies and save some students, one of whom was strapped with dynamite for unknown reasons.

A zombie with bombs on him and a zombie girl on fire then tried to get it on and blew up the hallway more.

"([Okay, let's not let them do that much more.])"

Then, a pipe on the ceiling came undone and fell, sticking into the ground, making a vertical pole, which the zombies then swarmed and Juliet ran towards.

"No..." Nick said in disbelief.

"([Is she going to?!])"

She did. She grabbed the pole and begun spinning around, being sexy and decapitating zombies at the same time.

"So sexy..." Nick said, fighting off a nosebleed.

"This is..." Deadpool said.

[The best Easter Egg...]

(EVER!)

She decapitated all of the zombies, then did a sexy pose while still on the pole, then jumped off. They then collected the coins from the magically disappearing students, then continued through the door that was dropped in their face earlier. They saw the bitch who left them there, now with dynamite strapped to him, get attacked by a fire zombie and got blown up.

"Serves you right." Deadpool said.

"That's the guy who stranded us... Guess he's getting what he deserves." Nick said, pointing to the guy who was the leader.

"Well we can't just let them all die, Nick!" Juliet said.

"OR we COULD." He argued.

"Normally I'd agree with you, Nick, but he wasn't the one who stranded us. It was the bitch who just got blown up." Deadpool corrected him. Then they saved him. They cut through another green door and the floor in front of them blew up to reveal a horde of zombies below.

"What are you gonna do now, Juliet?" Nick asked.

"Watch me, Nick!" She said, jumping down, jumping on each of their heads while cheering. "Ready? Okay! Undead! We slay! Go! San! Ro! Mer! Ro!" She said (I think that's what the last part was, anyway), then landed behind all the zombies. "If it bleeds, I can kill it!" She said happily as all of their heads blew up.

"Ha! Arnold Schwarzenegger reference!" Deadpool laughed as he and Nick jumped down.

"Juliet, where are we going?" Nick asked, following her and Deadpool.

"I need to find Morikawa-sensei! He'll know what to do!" She said.

"([Who?])" Nick and the voices asked.

"Morikawa-sensei! He's my sensei!" She said happily.

"A sensei? You mean like a teacher?" Nick asked.

"I DIDN'T KNOW YOU SPOKE JAPANESE, NICK!" Juliet shrieked happily.

"Well, I-" He started, but she interrupted him, speaking in Japanese. "I can't speak Japanese, Juliet! I just know that one word!" He said.

([Noob])

"Aw, you're simple innocence is one of the most attractive things about you!" She said cutely.

"Uh, yeah." He said.

"You're like a kitten! A kitten that doesn't speak Japanese!" She said.

"Sure, okay." He said.

"I'm feeling like the third wheel here." Deadpool said.

"Break the 4th wall more. You'll feel better." Juliet said.

The three then came to the gym door, with something spray-painted on it.

"It says Zombie basketball, time limit: 3 minutes, you lose and BLAM!" Nick read.

"Sounds fun." Deadpool said.

[Except the Blam part.]

(Yeah. That sounds AWESOME!)

Juliet kicked the door open and they entered into the gym and the game had already started: Humans, nothing. Zombies, 100.

"Zombie basketball! Time your killing of zombies! How many points can you rack up?" An unseen announcer cried out.

(He he! "Rack"!)

[Really?]

"Seems like a one sided game!" The announcer said.

(One-sided for the zombies!)

[I know, we need to make over 100 points in 3 minutes? Child's play!]

"Let's kill these mothas!" Deadpool said, running into the center where all the zombies were, standing on his tip-toes and spinning dangerously with both of his sword out, decapitating dozens of zombies at once.

"I'd say let's get into the game, but I don't wanna lose my head." Nick said.

"No worries. He's got it." Juliet said, watching.

In exactly 30 seconds, Deadpool had effortlessly racked up a score of 110.

"Wow! What a turn-around! The zombies are getting slaughtered! Incredible game, Deadpool! Can't wait to see you in action again!" the announcer said as zombie medals rained down on Deadpool.

"Now this is my kind of rain!" Deadpool said, grabbing as many as he could.

[That was another reference, wasn't it?]

(Yep! DMC3 reference! Yay!)

"Where's that voice coming from?" Juliet asked, referring to the announcer.

They ignored the question and continued to the next room as a zombie loaded with dynamite was pushed at them in a wheelbarrow.

"Mommy!" He shouted, struggling.

"We have to get out of here!" Nick said, then they all dived out of the room.

Juliet went shopping at another store and now had a new outfit on: Rei Miyamoto from Highschool of The Dead.

"Another cosplay?" Deadpool asked.

"I like it, okay? Piss off!" She pouted.

They continued on, rushing through dozens of zombies, leaving not one alive. They cleared out a classroom and killed more zombie cops, much to Deadpool's amusement and continued on until a zombie kept opening and closing a red door.

"Quit opening and closing the door, dude!" Juliet snapped.

He opened it a final time and attacked personally.

"Again and again with the door! It's irritating!" Juliet complained

"Let's kick his ass to teach him a lesson!" Deadpool offered.

"My turn!" Nick said, wasting an entire clip to shoot the zombie in the head once. The finally moved up one last set of stairs after Juliet took another shopping break and bought a sexy outfit. "Killing zombies gives me total wood!" She smirked.

"That's a weird thing to say." Nick said.

"([Agreed.])"

They kicked down a door to see 6 zombies coming at some old man.

"Sensei!" Juliet cried out.

"Ah, Juliet! One moment, please!" He said, then jumped into the air with a Japanese poster background. The zombies spiraled in the air around him helplessly and he began slicing like nothing, then when he stopped, the zombies fell to pieces. The camera then did a close-up of him and a description poster appeared, just like with Juliet.

**Junji Morikawa Sushi Master**

**Age:77 Morikawa**

**Hometown: **

**Tokyo, Japan**

**Favorite Food:**

**Sea Urchin's**

**Hobbies:**

**Karate,**

**The Kama Sutra,**

**Collecting Women's underwear**

"Did that last box of the picture just say 'Collecting women's underwear'?" Deadpool asked.

(I like this guy!)

[Of course you do...]

"My teacher, Morikawa-sensei is the most amazing veteran zombie hunter ever!" Juliet said.

"Oh." Nick said.

"Ah, correct. I have studied the Zomboid sciences for 40 years." He said, then laughed insanely. Then he decided to explain the story. "Listen! All of you! The school is in dire trouble! My research tells me that something has gone wrong on a COSMIC scale." He said.

"([Uh-oh.])"

"That's a massive bummer." Juliet said sadly.

"That completely sucks." Nick said.

"The Universe is composed of 3 dimensions: The Land Beyond Words, The Rotten World and our dimension, Earth." Morikawa continued.

"Well, I know of an agency that may add on a little bit to your story." Deadpool said, knowing a lot of things about other dimensions from S.H.I.E.L.D information.

"Either way. There are dimensional walls between each. Using a combination of black magic and explosives, someone cracked the wall between Earth and Rotten World. And the gases of Rotten World seeped into our world. Your fellow students inhaled these gases which transformed them into the undead." He continued.

"([Death must be PIIIISSED])"

"Well, whoever did this could be trying to open a permanent gate between here and Rotten World! Which would be catastrophic. Unfortunately, once they've become zombies, there is no return. All we can do is clean up the school: kill the undead and stop the bomber! That is our mission."

"I like the last two, but why do we have to clean up the place?" Deadpool asked.

Morikawa rolled his eyes, then continued. "The bomber is either in the cafeteria downstairs, or the coutryard. You destroy the zombies in the cafeteria, I shall look in the courtyard!" He then jumped on the rail he was previously on, then turned to face them. "I'm counting on you all. KILL THE MOTHAFUCKAS!" He said, jumping into the air, then teleporting.

(He can teleport, too?!)

[Probably magic.]

"Yes, sensei!" Juliet said, saluting, then jumped down, Nick following, but falling, since he didn't have as much agility as her.

"I'll be right down, I just need to talk to my girl Death for a minute." Deadpool said, shooting himself in the head, knocking himself out. He then woke up staring Death in the face, literally. "hey, babe, how's it going?" He asked.

"Oh, Deadpool! I thought you weren't going to return until you were really dead." She said with a mixture of sadness and disappointment, but then quickly changed the topic. "But it is good that you're here. That perverted old man was telling the truth! The zombies are still alive, I am unable to collect their souls. I need you to kill them all, my love. I need those souls!" She said in a lusting tone as if she was desparate.

"You got it babe. See you the next time I almost die. Or when I actually do." He said, then woke up. "Ow, my head."

(What did Death say? Was she happy to see us?!)

[You should know by now the only time she'd be happy to see us is if she has errands for us to run or if we were really dead.]

"She wants us to kill the zombies. Plain and simple." Deadpool said, teleporting down to where Juliet and Nick were and shot a fire zombie that was about to touch a giant-ass cake made out of...

([Dynamite?!])

"Yeah, it would probably be best to not let those zombies touch it." Deadpool said.

(Yeah, zombies don't need cake!)

Just as the last zombie was dealt with, 4 zombies in wheelbarrows were pushed into the room through the exit, which was previously blocked.

"Mommy!" They screamed, accompanied by maniacal laughter.

"Get through the door quickly! Now!" Nick said, rushing towards the exit.

(Don't have to tell us twice)

[Get us the hell out of here!]

"I got it!" Deadpool said, teleporting out of the building just as Juliet reached the exit.

[Good thing the writer chose to say where they were at, or the audience may not know.]

(The writer wouldn't have let them die, then it would just be us, that's not a crossover, that's a Deadpool story!)

"And at least he's having us break the fourth wall again. He hasn't done that for a while." Deadpool commented.

They reached the steps of the school as Morikawa was thrown directly into Juliet's boobs, causing her to shriek.

(Dammit, I wanted us to be the first ones to get our hands on them!)

[She has a boyfriend, remember? We're WORKING with him.]

"Magna-genocide, baby!" A freak on top of the statue laughed.

"Hey... I recognize that guy! He went to school with us!" Juliet said.

"He's the one... planning to open the gate between here and Rotten World! I have to stop him!" Morikawa said, getting up slowly.

"Two things, old man: 1, He just kicked your ass. 2, you should rest a bit after that: you're old and you used a lot of energy back there and he just kicked your ass." Deadpool said, for once actually talking sense.

"Oh, man. There's nothing more hysterical to me than watching this world burn! This world, this government, this society made my life Hell- Well, now everyone's gonna know a life of Hell... Forever!" He said, throwing his head back and laughing maniacally. Then a description poster appeared again.

**Swan**

**Age: 18**

**Goth Geek Bastard**

**Favorite Food: Pez**

**Hobbies: Murdering, Planning World Domination**

**Fun Fact:**

**Practices broody faces in the mirror**

(Lame!)

[Something tells me he was the school nerd/reject who everyone bullied and now instead of getting help from a psychiatrist or killing himself, he took it out on the school. Too many of these incidents happen...]

"Why did you do this to my school?" Juliet asked angrily.

"([Fueling a stupid plot device, like Itachi Uchiha...])"

(For those of you who don't fully know what we're talking about, go to YouTube and type in Itachi Uchiha I killed My Clan. It's a parody of Katy Perry's I Kissed a Girl, except it's funny.)

"What, you didn't have to clean out your locker, Juliet?" Swan said in a stuck-up tone.

"Hey! Leave her alone! Wait until I get my hands on you, dude!" Nick shouted at him.

"Good thing the writer changed the story up a bit or you wouldn't be able to say that because you'd just be a disembodied head." Deadpool commented, breaking the fourth wall again.

Swan then looked to his book and began reading a ritual. "Malicious lords! I invoke your dark forces into declaring myself God of this Realm!" He said, now with a purple beam of light coming from his book. "As the pawns are present, let the ritual commence and may the Dark Purveyors appear! NOW!" He said, then chanted something in Latin.

"NO!" Morikawa said, lunging at him. Unfortunately for him, at that moment, 5 different colored spheres that had to be the Dark Purveyors appeared and began throwing him between each other, violently attacking him.

[Why didn't he, or anyone for that matter, do that while he was monologuing?]

(Ooh, pretty light show. Shoot at it!)

but just as Deadpool drew his guns, Morikawa was thrown back, again landing in Juliet's boobs, getting another shriek from her.

"([Again?!])"

"Sensei!" Juliet said as he collapsed.

Then a bunch of laughing began from the purveyors. "This world makes me wanna puke! You're the one who called us here?" A girl's voice said from one of the glowing spheres.

"Yeah, that's right! I'm your new master! And I demand you initiate the pawn into the ritual! And rot every living thing in this school along the way!" Swan said, throwing one hand into the air and, of course, laughed like a lunatic.

"Master..." All the Purveyors said.

Swan laughed like he did the greatest thing ever. "I did it! Alright guys, time for you to rot this entire school! And everyone in it!" He ordered.

"I think I dig this kid! A real fuckin' headcase!" The Purveyor in the red sphere laughed.

"How could you do this to Sensei Morikawa?!" Juliet demanded, weeping slightly.

"That smell? This one's a zombie hunter..." One of the purveyors said in disdain.

"Give us the order, Master! Come on! Come on, come on, come on!" The girl Purveyor said.

"What are you laughing at, Dickhead?!" Juliet demanded.

"Let the ritual commence! ZED!" Swan said, ordering the red sphere, which flew into the ground, knocking the 3 down and causing them to get ready for an attack.

A puddle of blood appeared on the ground and a zombie with a giant mohawk reared his head out of the puddle. "Let's play!" He said in a dangerous tone. The three were shocked, giving him an opening. "PISS OFF!" He shouted, throwing the giant words "PISS OFF" at them, sending them flying.


	3. Zed's Dead

The three of them hit the ground hard and rolled a little bit, but luckily, Juliet and Nick didn't damage anything, Deadpool cracked his skull on a car hood, but it healed quickly.

"Oh, hell!" Nick grunted as they landed, but then they all got up to see the guy who blasted them on some kind of stage. They also noticed their surroundings.

[Why are we in some kind of junkyard?]

(Probably to match this guys singing voice: garbage!)

"Oh-ho, clever, crazy voice." Deadpool laughed and pointed his finger toward his brain's textbox.

"**WELCOME TO THE MOSH PIT, YOU ZOMBIE-HUNTING SLUTS!" **Zed screamed from his stage.

The three of them ignored his irritating screaming and continued on until they passed under a car.

"**YOUR PAIN IS MY ART!" **He screamed again, making the car fall, but luckily, Deadpool blew it up.

[He's getting VERY annoying.]

(I know, he talks more than Dante! Speaking of, we haven't seen him since UMVC3, we should hook up with him and catch up some time!)

"That My Chemical Romance wannabe is destroying San Romero!" Juliet said.

"Oh, I love that song "Teenager", you ever heard that?" Nick asked.

"The writer just barely listened to it. He doesn't care for it much." Deadpool said.

"That's not important right now, guys! We have to kill this guy!" Juliet said.

(Now she's talking!)

"**I'LL RESTRING MY GUITAR WITH YOUR INTESTINES!" ** he shouted again, throwing the words "vanilla slut" at them.

"His voice is mega-irritating!" Juliet complained, slicing through another car.

"**HOW DO YOU LIKE THE SPOTLIGHT, SLAGS?!" **He shouted as a few of his zombie followers attacked them.

"You know, maybe we should explain the writer's text choice to the audience." Deadpool suggested.

[Well, due to Zed's pain in the ass screaming, the writer wanted to emphasize it with bold, capital letters. The rest of the purveyors will be talking the same as Nick, Juliet or us.]

(Yay!)

Juliet kicked down a fence, then sat on some diagonal bar and slid down it, followed by Nick, then Deadpool.

"**YOUR FACES GONNA BE SWEET DOO-RAGS!" **Zed shouted again, throwing a word I honestly couldn't read at them.

"He made a stage from all the cars in San Romero." Nick said.

"Oh my god! Total waste of a Volvo!" Juliet shouted.

"Who needs a Volvo when you could have something awesome like a motorcycle or the car Raiden had in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. Or a Lamborghini." Deadpool commented.

"**WELCOME TO THE BIG SHOW!" **Zed screamed as they made the smallest amount of progress, causing a street light to swing at them, which they dodged, then they had to dodge a car, then jump through it as it still flew at them.

"FUCK! What a douchebag! Quit destroying shit for no reason!" Nick shouted at him.

(Yeah, really!)

[Do we really have the right to comment on that? We blow random shit up ALL THE TIME.]

"Good times." Deadpool said, reminiscing.

Juliet kicked down a small tower a zombie was on, making another slide, which she then jumped on and sliced the zombie off of it. "Get out of my way!" She snapped, the two boys following her.

"**TIME TO GET HARDCORE, YOU ZOMBIE HUNTING SLUTS!" **Zed shouted as more zombies attacked them.

[Damn, he's swearing more than that punk from the Devil May Cry reboot]

(Yeah, otherwise known as DINO: Dante In Name Only. He doesn't have the right to be called Dante!)

The three of them climbed up a pile of junk as another tower began to fall on them, but Juliet cut it in half, then they dodged, Juliet cut a car coming at them in half, then they jumped in between the two halves, then she came down and sliced through the final car.

"Juliet, you're kinda hot when you kick ass!" Nick said.

(She's hot all the time!)

[Yes, she is.]

"She's got a better body than Domino and she's half her age!" Deadpool agreed with his head voices.

They then looked down at the boss they were about to fight. "Probably took him 3 hours to spike his Mohawk this morning. Needy much?" Juliet said.

"Yeah, it looks like a rooster thingamabob." Nick said.

"That's okay, because he's acting like such a cock!" Deadpool laughed as they jumped down.

They then looked around, not seeing him. "The fuck'd he go?!" Deadpool asked.

(Yay! TFS Vegeta reference!)

[don't tell me this guy can teleport, too…]

Meanwhile, up above, Zed prepared to attack. However, he ruined his chance for a stealth attack by laughing and screaming. **"I'M GONNA CRUSH YOUR FACE!" **He shouted, smashing the ground where Juliet previously stood, having just barely dodged. **"I'M LOVING THIS SHIT!" **He laughed as Juliet pulled out a lollipop, then he screamed for no reason. **"YOUR ASS IS MIIIINE! MMM, I LOVE THE SMELL OF ALMOST-DEAD CHEERLEADER IN THE MORNING! YEAHOO!" **He said, jumping up and down like an idiot, then a description poster of him popped up with a dead rat in his mouth.

**Influences:** **PUNK ROCK ZOMBIE**

**The Misfits ZED!**

**Black Flag**

**Torturing small animals**

"Torturing small animals?!" Juliet shrieked, pushing the picture out of the way. "What kind of whack job waterboards Chip and Dale? That makes guyliner here like the most uncoolest dude EVER!" She shouted, throwing her Lollipop in the air.

The three attacked him, but then he ran around them in circles almost faster than they could see. He then changed course and rushed at Deadpool, sliding on the ground with his microphone out, impaling Deadpool through the stomach.

"Hey, that move reminds me of…."

(Hey! That's a cheap rip-off!)

[He completely stole Dante's Stinger move. How unoriginal.]

"Well, to be fair, we DO kinda steal Ryu's Shoryuken every now-and-then." Deadpool said, then whipped his machine guns out and loaded Zed's face up with bullets at point blank range, due to Zed still impaling him.

Zed jumped back, then did another move reminiscent of Dante's, repeatedly stabbing Deadpool at devastating speeds, although I forget the name of the attack….. Oh well, Insieme will probably tell me later.

"Dude, seriously, quit ripping off Dante! Make your own moves!" Deadpool said, then tossed Zed one of his Pulse Rifles. He tried to shoot him a few times, but Deadpool had turned the safety on, then shot him in the stomach and blew a giant hole through it. Although it slowly healed.

Juliet took this opportunity to slice him in half from his head to his waist, leaving him splitting in two.

"That was hot! Did you see that?" Nick asked.

But to everyone's surprise, Zed put a hand on either side of his head and pushed himself back together.

"([Da fuq?!])"

"**YOU THINK THAT HURTS ME?! I JUST JIZZED A LITTLE!" **He laughed, then screamed. As a result of his screaming, giant speakers fell from the sky.

"([Da double fuq?!])

Zed jumped on them and began throwing red discs from his hair at them. **"I THINK YOU PISSED YOUR PANTS!" **Zed laughed.

"Correction! Only Nick can piss his pants! I'm wearing a skintight bodysuit and Juliet is in a skirt and tights." Deadpool corrected.

"Deadpool, Nick! I have an idea! You guys go for the speakers, you guys take out the speakers! I'll handle the asshole!" Juliet said, running at Zed.

"She's good at this planning stuff." Deadpool said.

"Yeah. Let's get to it!" Nick said, shooting a large stack of speakers. Between him and Deadpool had it done in a matter of seconds.

As a last resort, Zed made a giant speaker in the middle of the stage he jumped on.

"Cover me, guys! I'm gonna cut through it, but I know he's not gonna make it easy." Juliet ordered, sawing through it.

"**VANILLA SLUT!" **He shouted the words at her, only for it to be blown apart by Deadpool's Pulse lasers.

Juliet was now a little more than halfway through the speaker when Zed jumped off the stage and got right up in OUR faces. **"JOIN ME ON STAGE FOR A DEATH JAM!"** He shouted, drawing his thumb across his throat in a decapitation gesture, then rushed at Juliet, but Nick stabbed him a few times with the sais and he jumped back up top. He threw one more word as Juliet almost completely sawed through it, but then Deadpool shot it apart again. Juliet finally cut through it and the 3 kicked it down.

"Almost there!" Nick said as Juliet went in for the kill, this time slicing at the waist horizontally. She made it most of the way through, but didn't completely get there.

"**OH, THAT ONE… THAT ONE ACTUALLY HURT A LITTLE, BITCH!" **He snapped at her.

The three then got back into ass-kicking mode and hammered on him more. He managed to push them all back and jumped into the center of the stage.

"And the finish!" Nick said, waiting for Juliet to end it.

But then Zed screamed and made a constant stream of letters from the word "yeah" fly everywhere.

"Fucking giant letter BULLSHIT!" Nick said, taking cover.

"Ooh, shiny. Shoot at it!" Deadpool said, shooting at the letters, making a clear path for Juliet to get through.

Once again, she came down straight on his head and completely sliced all the way through him.

"**OW! OOH! NOT COOOOL!" **He screamed, trying to block with his wrists, which Juliet cut straight through, his hands landing behind him, giving the finger. **"FUUUUCK! AAAAH! I'M NOT DONE SCREAMING YET! OOOOHHHH, THIS REALLY FUCKING HURTS, MAN! OOOOHHHH!" **He screamed like a bitch as he split apart.

"GEEZ, so emo!" Juliet said, catching the lollipop she had thrown into the air, putting it into her mouth.

Then, Zed's body faded in black and purple flames and went into a portal. **"MEUS VITA REGE, PRO NEFARIO COEPTO!" **He chanted in Latin as he faded from existence.

"Juliet! Nick! Deadpool! You did it!" Morikawa said as he limped onto the stage.

"Mr. Morikawa!" Nick said, rushing over to help him as he fell, along with Juliet.

[Oh, dear. He doesn't look to be in the best of health.]

"He's 77 and he took an unholy beating from 5 freaky demi-god zombies." Deadpool commented as he walked over to help.

(This must be one of those sad, game changing, confession deaths that spurs on the plot.)

"You managed to purify…. One of the Dark Purveyors." He said.

"Yes…." Juliet nodded.

"Look at this…" He coughed, opening a map of the school, then spit a big spatter of blood onto it.

"([Ew!])"

"Zed was only the weakest of the Dark Purveyors!" Morikawa said as the blood spatter shifted to 5 different places and looked like 5 different people, Zed being one of them. "But the other 4 are still here, rotting the school. By now they've probably transformed all your fellow student into undead." He said as the image of Zed was sliced in half and dispersed. "The school is probably filled with zombies." He explained, then had a coughing fit.

"Sensei!" Juliet said urgently, holding him tightly.

"Mr. Morikawa!" Nick said softly, unsure of what to do.

[Should we do something?]

(What can we do? He's good as dead. Maybe if someone makes up something clever enough, the writer will change it so he lives!)

[Like what? I doubt the writer will change it. Besides, nothing would make sense that could stop him dying. Even if we gave him our blood for our healing factor, it wouldn't help because it's not HIS DNA.]

"Juliet, Nick and Deadpool…. I have faith, you can stop them! All humans must die… As I must now, too…" He said, shuffling off his mortal coil and passing on.

"Sensei! No! Don't leave!" Juliet pleaded.

"Oh! I have this for you, Juliet!" Er….. Nevermind my last statement, Morikawa got back up, reached into his pocket and pulled out a white box with a red ribbon and handed it to Juliet. "Happy birthday, Juliet! You were always my favorite pupil..." He said, finally passing on.

"Sensei!" Juliet wept.

(I honestly liked the first death better. It was more dramatic.)

[Is now really the time to be saying that? This is kind of a tender moment -]

The arrow pointed towards the mourning Juliet, crying into Nick's shoulders. Suddenly, a giant elevator came from the sky and opened up. Morikawa's soul then left his body and walked into it, turning back to give one last thumbs-up before the door closed and it went up to the heavens where angels and for some reason, the arc de triumph waited as the 3 waved goodbye. Juliet opened her present and a motor installed itself into her chainsaw.

"Oh my god! Thanks, Sensei!" Juliet said happily, holding her new ride. "Chainsaw dash!" She announced, winking.

"([Now that's a sweet ride!])" Nick, Deadpool and the voices all complimented.


End file.
